Mary Conway
As told by Michaela Vandersee, daughter
Mary had a quiet steady strength and determination about her that never wavered no matter what life threw her way. Mom devoted her life to caring for her family and friends. She never turned away from the hard stuff – always insisting to be kind and love one another – no matter what.
She worked hard to instill values in her kids and grandkids, including kindness, compassion, dedication, faith and being driven by purpose. She used these values daily, first as a nurse for 46 years and then giving back during her retirement.
Mary worked hard to put herself through college and graduate school while raising three children on her own. She also worked at St. Edwards Catholic Church after “retirement” for nine years.
After Mary’s oldest daughter, my sister, died in 2016, Mom took on a pivotal role in caring for her 6- month-old preemie granddaughter for five years, ensuring she had everything she needed to be healthy and have a solid foundation for growth in her future.
Of all the volunteer work she did, the most memorable and meaningful for her was being a sign language interpreter for the St. Edwards Catholic Church Saturday evening mass for many years and reading the Sunday Newspaper on the radio channel for people who could no longer see to read.
She could often be found spending time with her kids and grandkids, reading one of her favorite books, out in her garden tending to her flower beds, behind her sewing machine creating treasures for her kids and grandkids or out bargain shopping for items she could donate to organizations in need.
Over the last two years of Mom’s life, her care needs increased significantly, and I did everything I could to keep her in her own home, as that was her wish. Nothing can prepare you for the shift in life when you become the caregiver for your parent, though. It was a really hard time trying to manage her needs alongside my family’s needs and my work, but I will never regret that time. It was a privilege that I will always carry with me.
During that time, mom and I had many conversations about her end-of-life wishes. In true form she was always more concerned about her family and even at one point making me promise that I wouldn’t go crazy with grief when she died. She wanted to know and to be able to see that we would all be ok when that time came for her.
The single best decision I made for my mom was Cedar Valley Hospice. My life’s work is with Cedar Valley Hospice, I am passionate about providing high quality, compassionate end-of-life care to patients and their families. Being on the receiving end of the care taught me a lot of things I could have never learned any other way. I really can’t put into words how much our time with Cedar Valley Hospice meant to our family. It was such a relief to have them by our side to help us and allow me to just be her daughter again. Her final nine days were spent at the Hospice Home and even though she was unresponsive we surrounded her every day and night with family and friends. We cried, we laughed, we told stories, we each took time alone with her, we brought her beloved kitty cat to see her.
The Hospice Home staff ensured she was comfortable and took care of all her needs with a respect and gentleness that still makes me tearful today. I know that she cherished that time being surrounded by those she loved more than life itself. For me, my husband, my brother and the grandchildren, that time at the Hospice Home allowed us to grieve, to grow together and to reach acceptance of what was happening. I believe she hung on so long because she was waiting for all of us to get to that place of acceptance. She wanted to know and more importantly feel that we would all be ok. What a beautiful walk home she had, and I am so thankful that Cedar Valley Hospice was by our side. They took such wonderful care of mom and all of us.
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