Michelle (Dowie) Friedly
As told by her mother, Pam Dowie
Our story began on an ordinary winter day in January. I was baby-sitting for my new grandson while my daughter Michelle headed off to her doctor’s appointment. The baby was 5 months old, and nursing was not going well. Michelle had been treated for an infected milk duct gland that was getting worse.
From that doctor’s appointment in 2001, there were no more ordinary days. Michelle was immediately sent to a surgeon and her breast was biopsied. We waited on pins and needles and then the dreaded diagnosis came. She had stage 4 metastatic breast cancer, and her prognosis was one year. She was 29 years old.
For over three years, she courageously battled the disease receiving treatment. Eventually, the cancer spread to her brain. I remember 9-11 for a different reason than most people. Michelle had her first brain surgery that day.
When Michelle developed bone cancer, we knew it was time to call Cedar Valley Hospice. It was her time to take control, and she did. Looking back, it could have been a sad time, but it wasn’t. Our days were no longer filled with endless doctor appointments, tests and chemo sessions. Instead, they became moments of love and connection.
Michelle cherished and adored her hospice caregivers and eagerly anticipated their visits. The staff quickly became part of our family. At first, I felt a bit of jealousy, realizing I wasn’t needed in the same way. But as hospice took over her medical care, I found that my role was transformed in a beautiful way. I was able to simply be her mother, grandmother to her boys, her friend and her support – exactly what she needed me to be. I was there for the moments that truly mattered.
Her aide really loved Michelle and provided her companionship and almost anything Michelle wanted – from manicures and foot rubs to plenty of Diet Coke or her favorite foods. To see her cared for in that loving way by a total stranger meant so much to all of us who loved Michelle.
During her battle, she was taken to the Cedar Valley Hospice Home to manage her pain and symptoms. We appreciated the comforts provided to us and especially Michelle’s two sons. The home was a calm and peaceful place; we all had our space and place to share in the journey with her.
As the cancer progressed, breathing became extremely difficult. One episode led to an emergency room visit, and Michelle was severely agitated. She kept requesting to go “home” as she didn’t like the cold, sterile hospital room. When we expressed that wasn’t possible due to her care needs, she gently corrected us saying, “Not home… the Hospice Home.”
We had all been with her from the start, so it was natural that we would all be with her at the end. For two days, people were everywhere – on couches, chairs and sleeping on the floor. The staff was so sweet and talked to us, cried with us, and explained what was going on. Even though it was awful, it felt peaceful and right. We embraced each other and supported one another. Having everyone there gave us the strength to see her through the last days.
I can’t imagine having gone through this experience without Cedar Valley Hospice. They took away some of the fear and anxiety, comforting us through the unknown. They truly understand the dying and grieving process and turn it into a beautiful memory.
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