Court Koch
Courtney (Court) William Marcus Koch was 31 years old when he died in 2019 from complications of a rare blood disorder, thrombotic thrombocytopenic purpura (TTP), and pneumonia. His wife, Lynette, sought out Cedar Valley Hospice for grief support.
“It’s hard to think of an aspect of my life that wasn’t affected by losing Court,” Lynette said one year after he died. “We were just starting our lives together when he was diagnosed. Our daughter, Emery, was only 13 months old.”
Calling for support at that time was one of the best decisions Lynette made.
She said: “I don’t even know what I was really anticipating going into it, but just having someone to talk to that knows what you’re going through, someone outside of your general circle of family and friends that can sometimes positively influence what you’re feeling has meant everything. To anyone that’s on a grief journey right now, I’d encourage you to reach out and seek out whatever help you can get, because they understand what you are feeling and what you’re experiencing. The pain is real, and you’re not alone.
“Court passed very suddenly and unexpectedly and was never on hospice care. Despite this, the love and support I have received from Lynette, my grief counselor, and staff has been phenomenal. The grief team at Cedar Valley Hospice helped me navigate and survive a grief journey I was in no way prepared to encounter. They’ve weathered the worst storms with me, held my hand through the grief fog, listened to and validated my feelings and made me feel understood and seen. I’ve been blessed to be able to meet and connect not only with the amazing counselors and staff, but also with others in the community who are on grief journeys of their own. And while each of these paths looks different, the companionship and validation present from those on parallel journeys is powerful!
“Cedar Valley Hospice has given me the opportunity to learn so much about myself, grief and loss that has helped to me to normalize grief and all the feelings and emotions that come along with it. My grief journey is far from over — grief never ends because love never ends! But it’s a journey I’m confident I’ll continue to navigate and survive with the love, understanding and support from Lynette and the Cedar Valley Hospice team.”
When Lynette Koch first started her grief journey, she was consumed by wanting to share all those moments with Court that she could longer do. She wanted to keep his memory alive so their daughter, Emery, could know “what an amazing dad and person he was.” The Release & Remember event has become a tradition for her and Emery because it has provided them the opportunity to do just that – reflect, remember and honor Court.
“Emery and I have attended Release & Remember since losing Court in 2019 (except 2020 due to COVID), and dedicate a butterfly every year in his memory,” said Lynette. “The release of the butterflies is a beautiful experience in and of itself, but on a personal level, it’s also a very freeing experience — giving me the space and permission to feel and express the feelings and emotions of this grief journey without judgement, knowing I’m among a crowd of others experiencing and feeling similar things.
“Throughout my journey, we’ve talked a lot in grief group discussions and with the grief counselors about signs from our loved ones (a sight, smell, song, etc. that reminds you of your loved one and their presence). I’ve experienced many over the last several years, but one of the most memorable happened the first year we attended Release & Remember. Our family was instantly moved and brought to tears at the sight of the butterflies taking flight while Somewhere Over the Rainbow was beautifully sung. That song hit us hard! It was as if Court picked it himself. His absolute favorite musical was The Wizard of Oz — He took great pride in playing the part of the Cowardly Lion in his high school’s performance of the musical many years ago and LOVED to recite those lines he had engrained in his brain for years after using that perfect lion’s voice. He played that part to perfection! HE LOVED IT—so much so that he even had a tattoo of the lion’s crown on his right shoulder.
“Hearing this song every year as the butterflies are released at this event is a sign for me – a sign and reminder of Court’s presence, not only at that specific event, but every day in the hearts and lives of those he loved. And even though it brings me to tears every year, it’s become one of my favorite parts of Release & Remember.”
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